xxx off the lot of you, im not dead yet

I decided this morning that I needed to know how much damage my holiday had done to my fitness and training program for my up and coming charity ride.  I therefore decided that, after work this evening, I would quickly get changed and out on the road.  The urgency being compounded by the darkening nights drawing in and my desire to minimise how much riding I do in the dark until I really have to.

So back from work, pannier packed, off I set from my hotel for a planned ride of around 2 hours.  I set off quite quickly, keeping my cadence and speed up.  My plan is to see how close to the half of the palace to palace distance I can do (which is 45 miles and only just a week and half away).

My start quickly gets me in front of a class 3,  this stupid woman was walking her dog which was off the lead and wandering in front of her.  Her response was to shout the dogs name followed by the command "Sit !".  The dog responded by laying straight across the path, its obedience so good, it wasn't even going to move as I approached at speed.  This caused me to slam on the breaks and wait for her to collect her dog.  Unbelievable, why couldn't she have just left it alone as it wandered harmlessly to the side of the path.  She could have also followed her command with "Commit Suicide" and "Play Dead".  Of course, everything was ok because she used the standard class 3 response, "Oh !, Sorry".

I then headed out quite quickly, to then get held up in traffic where cars on wide roads decided to move right to the left to deliberately stop cyclists being able to get through.

It was at this point I decided it would probably be dark before I got to half my ride, and I would need to up the tempo to get anywhere near a decent ride.

At the 30 minutes / 7 mile point I did a quick drink stop and then straight on keeping my rate up. Things were going good, and even with the traffic jam, I was probably going to get an average speed around 13 mph's.  Two hours, 26 miles, more than half of the target, no problem.

Stopped for a little longer at the half way mark,  1 banana and more drink to keep me going and dusk fast approaching.  It's at this point that I look up.

Circling above me is a load, I mean a swarm of Red Kites. I'm not kidding there must have been 30 or 40 birds flying around in circles just above where I had decided to stop.

For those of you that don't know, Red Kites are a large bird of prey with a wing span up to 5 feet long.  The image below is borrowed from Wikipedia, and the link to their page on kites is here.

Red Kite Picture

Now Red Kites were hunted almost to extinction as they were wrongly blamed for affecting farm animals, crops and were also notoriously scavenging around the 15th century.  In fact, Kites are the UK equivalent of vultures, preferring already dead animals or road kill.

In the UK, they have been re-introduced and after a gap of over 150 years, they are now breeding again in many counties within the UK.  But Berkshire seems to have a really high concentration and they can regularly be seen in the country side to the north of reading.  They are a success story for re-introduced wildlife within the UK, but rarely have I seen so many

Now imagine, one highly knackered middle aged man in lycra,  feeling a little tired and looking up to see a circling pack of vultures.  At this point one was quite low, so I shouted 'bxggxr off the lot of you, I ain't dead yet!'.  I think they thought of me as road kill, or, based upon where I was standing and how it was getting dark, I would be soon.  To be honest, they probably thought the sound of my voice was further confirmation of my impending demise.  They say animals have an extra sense, and I saw no road kill either up or down the lane so I'm sure it was me that they were interested in following.

So as it was starting to get darker, it was on with the lights and then back on my bike, it was time to look lively again. I was also getting hungry and thinking of dinner at this point, then looking back over my shoulder at the circling birds I laughed to myself and wondered if they were thinking the same thing of me.

Another 45 minutes and it was time for me to finish my epic ride.  22.39 miles completed in 1 hour 45 minutes, so not too bad I guess.  Timing was also excellent as on my return it was getting quite dark and had also started raining.  So it's time for my chinese takeaway (Chicken Chow Mein) and I wonder as I write this, what ended up on the Red Kites Menu for the evening.  Sorry, but it wasn't a knackered 45 year old MAMIL.