Friday 7 September 2012

Swim or Fly

As you probably gathered from my profile, I am a freelance computer consultant and I travel a bit for my work.  At the moment I have a client in Reading and stay at a hotel nearby that has a lovely path at that side of the river Thames that I cycle daily to work.  It's only a mile and half, but it's just so nice to get away from the hustle and bustle of cars, buses etc.

The path I ride to work

It's has such a calming affect, and it's amazing what you see on the short ride in to the office.  Part of it is also a nature reserve as well.

One thing you see, is something of particular scientific interest, as I believe it is probably the highest concentration of this particular phenomena in the UK.  You see, my son is a science buff and is always talking about electrons, photons, protons, neutrons etc.  I have pointed out that he has missed one of the most valuable scientific '...ons' of them all, and I am privileged to see at least one or two every day.

The Moron comes in possibly three different classifications, and all regularly frequent this short path.

Class 1 Moron - Otherwise known as the 'Deafy'.  This is a person that walks along the narrow sections of the path, often with ear apparel in, and simply ignores you when you come up behind them.  No amount of ringing the bell on the bike or shouting can move them.  They often require a gentle prod in the shoulder to get them to move out of the way.  Although you have to be careful during the prod as they can sometimes morph into a Class 2 Moron which is more dangerous. At least with a class one you know where they are and there behaviour is consistent.

Class 2 Moron - Otherwise known as the 'Ooooh' or 'Jumper'.  This type of moron often jumps or steps directly into your path causing you to slam on the brakes in order to avoid them. The jumping movement is often accompanied by an 'Ooooh' sound warning you of their imminent change in direction. If not themselves, then they leave their dogs off the lead (even though it's a nature reserve and says animals must be kept on lead), which will often wander in front of you causing the class 2 to follow and requiring you to take emergency avoiding action.  Class 2 Morons believe their state can change to a class one normal person by simply iterating the word 'Sorry'.

Class 3 Moron - Otherwise known as the 'Inert Moron'.  To be honest, I wasn't aware of  the class 3 moron until my ride home last night, and unfortunately I met three walking in the opposite direction to the way I was riding.  These three people were walking 3 abreast, taking up the full width of the path, as I approached they all froze and stood perfectly still. I had to slam on the brakes and stop. At this point the three class 3's simply looked at one another but none moved to make any gap allowing me to pass requiring me to talk to them 'OK guys, are we going to stand here all day or do you expect me to Swim or Fly past you?', at this point, like Moses parting the red sea, they moved slowly apart to allow me to pass. I was surprised by the slowness of their movements, the Inert Moron obviously does not posses the same level of muscle control as a class 2 and is unable to make sudden movements.

All Moron classes can be easily identified by their behaviour, but are also identifiable due to the noises that they make which can be a tut, a blow, or a 'what the ......' statement, usually followed by a 'Sorry'.

So if you want to see the largest concentration of Morons in Great Britain,  the place to be is the river bank path by the Thames in the Reading area,  an area of significant scientific and moronic interest.  You heard it here first !

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